WASHINGTON – Heading into a third week of partial government shutdown, US President and a newly diverse congress have released a report showing how much more efficient the government is when it is not working. At all.
The result? They’re shutting down permanently.
“It’s like a car that’s off. It uses less gas. You know? GREAT.”
Ensuring their own offspring has all they need for the rest of their lives, members of Congress siphoned remaining funds into their own investment accounts in a rare show of honesty. Previously, when corruption and negligence were marks against public servants, such greed was covert.
“It’s wonderful,” said a newly elected congressman. “I got into politics for a good retirement. Now it’s come so quickly. I really lucked out. I’m really glad I ran for Congress and won.”
Critics have pointed out that medical care, transportation, and well… most of the country will suffer without at least partial government help.
“That’s not our problem anymore,” responded another member of congress who requested anonymity. “The American people should have thought of that and won congressional seats themselves if they wanted the good life.”
Since the news broke of a complete and permanent shutdown, gun sales have soared. “Well there aren’t any pesky constitutional rights to argue about anymore,” said one salesman. “And I’m swimming in money anyway so I’m all set.”
Demonstrations took place in many major metropoliseseses. The main question in the air now seems to be: if we are not governed as the United States of America, then who are we?
by Dan Plighter