DOUGLAS COUNTY, WI – Hunters who were looking forward to preying on recently delisted predators in Northern Wisconsin were met with a surprise.
“Wisconsin’s Biggest Coyote Hunting Tournament” takes place each winter, where manly men who indulge in shooting animals – bobcats, coyotes, foxes, mountain lions, wolves, and other species for cash and prizes – gather in lemming-like crowds. These rugged folks, in tune with the outdoors and the natural rhythms of the wilderness, use high powered rifles set on tripods from insulated and heated blinds while drinking beer and cheap whiskey. They then stand around a heap of dead animals, take photos, and show them to their mothers.
Animal rights activists have long protested the practice with little result in policy change.
Now the tables have turned.
An anonymous source stated, “We’re working with puppeteers to create lifelike animals. We wait. When the puppets are shot at, we shoot back.”
The controversial tactic seems to work. No deaths have been reported. However, there has been a slew of phone calls to lawmakers from outraged (and sniveling) participants of the tournaments.
“What did I do? It’s not fair!” is a common phrase heard on the recordings.
Investigators have found abandoned blinds with the heat still on, often spilled food, valuable hunting equipment, all left behind in a hurry. They’re also finding trails of human feces leading from the blinds.
“These hunters are literally sh***ing themselves with fear.”
~ by Dan Plighter