Congressman Lowers Expectations

WASHINGTON – Waves rippled through Capitol Hill Wednesday evening when a Soundcloud track of a freshman democratic congressman exposed what was perceived as the politician’s unvarnished strategy. The quote was recorded at a popular, if overly priced, restaurant. The quote, in its entirety, is as follows:

“I’m lowering my expectations. I mean, low. So low that I might flush them. In fact, as soon as I’m done explaining myself I’m going to the toilet to flush them because that’s how  low they’re going. Down the old tubes. Down, down… down down, around in a swirl and down further. Crocodiles can eat my expectations. You know, the crocodiles in the sewer that everyone is scared of? Well, they’re real. Did I ever tell you that time I was a kid and ventured into a big drainage ditch like a quarter mile or something and saw man holes overhead and they were filled with cockroaches? That happened. That was never unearthed during my campaign which shows you how thorough those press people really are, but it happened. I saw cockroaches under manhole covers. Talk about an iron ceiling. Anyway, that’s where my expectations are going. Down there. Cockroaches will look down on my expectations. And then it will all be easier.”

The unknown dining partner asked, “do you mean… expectations that you’ll get to read the Mueller report? Or the next two years of this administration?”

The congressman replied, “I meant for the steak I ordered. What are you talking about?”

The Nebulous Observer, along with all major news organizations of the world, past and present, has been asked to help to identify the identity of the congressman, as well as how he ordered his steak.

~ by Dan Plighter