After Years of Trying to Fix the Subway, Mayor de Blasio to Give Up, Run for President Instead

NEW YORK – New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio announced on Wednesday that he would join the crowded field of Democrats seeking the 2020 Presidential nomination, after finally giving up trying to repair the aging New York City transit system.

“He just threw his hands up in a meeting with (New York City Transit President) Andy Byford and said ‘That’s it, it’s impossible.,'” mayoral aide Stephanie Howland said. “And he just walked out of the room.”

The mayor’s aides sought to follow him back to his office after his outburst, but the two-term mayor had already barricaded himself inside, launching into a diatribe that could be heard clearly from the hallway.

“‘It’ll never get fixed. Never! We’ve tried everything and nothing’s working,'” one aide quoted from de Blasio’s tirade. The aide went on: “He said, ‘I might as well quit and run for president with how this **** is going.'”

The mayor’s outburst, which included flinging papers and overturning chairs abruptly stopped. The door to his office flew open and he yelled to his staffers outside.

“Get in here, I’ve got an idea.” he said to the crowded group outside the door.

Mayor de Blasio should have no trouble repairing a crumbling, 250 year-old republic of 350 million people after his feeble attempts at fixing a few 100 year-old broken trains.